Fuck this is christmas geez i'm lonely
It starts getting to about november each year when i start to get incredibly anxious. I hate the end of the year. I hate the lead up to christmas. Don't get me wrong i really really love christmas itself, love busting out the bing and nat king cole christmas cd's. Love a good christmas croon. But I hate the lead up.
To me the end of the year feels like doors on a train closing as i run for the staion and hope i don't miss the fucking thing and end up sitting for hours - or worse still, walking. No one wants to walk to the end of the year. No one wants to wait for the next train to 2006. I want on. I want the limited stops train. I want the eurail i want it to move fast.
It feels to me like there is this stalemate at the end of each year, where everything shuts down and you have no choice but to be unproductive. I just want christmas now.
I tell you though - If i was in love with some hot bird and rooting her fucking brains out everynight it would probably move at the pace i'm after.
Party season kicks in - but i usually miss it every year coz i go and hang out in a caravan on a beach with my olds for a month. I like it but geez it makes you feel lonely.
Every christmas brings the feeling of not having my own family - of still having not grown up - of still living within my parents family. Fuck am i clucky? I'd like to have a kid. I'd like to buy the thing some fucking presents and bite the fucking buscuit and take a slug outta santas milk while the little tacker sleeps and dreams of santa and elves and snow and presents and lights and wrapping paper and all that cool shit that fades as you become older and harder and less imaginative.
I'd love to sit there and watch the surprise on the little fuckers face when they see a dirty big pillowcase full of wrapped up shity at the end of their bed. I wannna get woken up at dawn, and sit there with my lady sipping coffee and watching our little people have the time of their lives. I wanna be a dad, and I want a good woman.
This world, this industry what ever it is, this town? Whatever stops us from committing, from dreaming a life with one person, from sharing christmas with kids and love, love and kids.
I miss woman. I miss her smell. I miss the same smell day in day out. I miss sex with meaning. I miss lips that say familiar things. I miss quirks, I miss the intimacies of relationships, the cool stuff.
Look, I'm getting laid enough, geez that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the little things, the secrets between really close lovers, the knowing exactly what to fucking buy your partner, i miss knowing someone inside out and back to front, I miss pre-empting their moods and making it better before it happens, I miss a familiar smile. I miss a familiar voice. I miss stealing blankets and getting the shits with each other, I miss the feeling of family, the ties, the Michael J Foxes.
I love christmas. I love familiar things - which is probably why i love christams. Just one day soon, I'd like to have one of my own. With my own little family before heading off the Nannie and grandads so my kids can see my parents.
I miss the esculation of relationships leading somewhere, somewhere special. Somewhere family orientated, somewhere more than what i see now.
I want to look into eyes i know and see my life in them. I want to be consumed by woman again. This year has been a wonderful career year, maybe next I'll find my hearts dreams.
To me the end of the year feels like doors on a train closing as i run for the staion and hope i don't miss the fucking thing and end up sitting for hours - or worse still, walking. No one wants to walk to the end of the year. No one wants to wait for the next train to 2006. I want on. I want the limited stops train. I want the eurail i want it to move fast.
It feels to me like there is this stalemate at the end of each year, where everything shuts down and you have no choice but to be unproductive. I just want christmas now.
I tell you though - If i was in love with some hot bird and rooting her fucking brains out everynight it would probably move at the pace i'm after.
Party season kicks in - but i usually miss it every year coz i go and hang out in a caravan on a beach with my olds for a month. I like it but geez it makes you feel lonely.
Every christmas brings the feeling of not having my own family - of still having not grown up - of still living within my parents family. Fuck am i clucky? I'd like to have a kid. I'd like to buy the thing some fucking presents and bite the fucking buscuit and take a slug outta santas milk while the little tacker sleeps and dreams of santa and elves and snow and presents and lights and wrapping paper and all that cool shit that fades as you become older and harder and less imaginative.
I'd love to sit there and watch the surprise on the little fuckers face when they see a dirty big pillowcase full of wrapped up shity at the end of their bed. I wannna get woken up at dawn, and sit there with my lady sipping coffee and watching our little people have the time of their lives. I wanna be a dad, and I want a good woman.
This world, this industry what ever it is, this town? Whatever stops us from committing, from dreaming a life with one person, from sharing christmas with kids and love, love and kids.
I miss woman. I miss her smell. I miss the same smell day in day out. I miss sex with meaning. I miss lips that say familiar things. I miss quirks, I miss the intimacies of relationships, the cool stuff.
Look, I'm getting laid enough, geez that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the little things, the secrets between really close lovers, the knowing exactly what to fucking buy your partner, i miss knowing someone inside out and back to front, I miss pre-empting their moods and making it better before it happens, I miss a familiar smile. I miss a familiar voice. I miss stealing blankets and getting the shits with each other, I miss the feeling of family, the ties, the Michael J Foxes.
I love christmas. I love familiar things - which is probably why i love christams. Just one day soon, I'd like to have one of my own. With my own little family before heading off the Nannie and grandads so my kids can see my parents.
I miss the esculation of relationships leading somewhere, somewhere special. Somewhere family orientated, somewhere more than what i see now.
I want to look into eyes i know and see my life in them. I want to be consumed by woman again. This year has been a wonderful career year, maybe next I'll find my hearts dreams.
posted by Roguemaze Central at 7:27 PM
9 Comments:
you are so onto the real thing here. for me christmas is all about the kids and family. but you are young and there is time. it will all happen for you. try to live in the moment, roguey.
So, you're back in form, rogues.
You ripping your heart out and throwing it raw onto the page.
Nice.
This year is the first I will have all the little pleasures you have mentioned here. I can hardly wait.
I want kids too. I almost want them as a tool so I can do Christmas MY way, at MY house, with MY family and create our own magic and traditions and delight.
Christmas has been corroding away for me over the years and what's left of my family have been ruining what used to be our most special day of the year together.
I just want it back. I want it injected with joy and love and smiles and hugs and memories.
I'm definitely with you on this one. Maybe Santa will bring you a good woman this Christmas.
Man, it's estrogen city in here.
i'm coming close to this sentiment too. as the 24 y.o 'baby' of the family, the pressure to be overjoyd at opening the presents 'oooo socks!' and 'ooooo another uni guide!' is wearing thin.
and jumping up at the crack of dawn to sneak a look at my presents is getting harder and harder, as the hangovers get heavier and heavier. (though theres so much brandy in my family pudding that it beats any other form of hair of the dog).
anyway, point is, we are really coming to that point arent we? we just cant be the kids for much longer. its getting really quite hard.
santa wont even let me sit on his lap anymore. (might give the other kids the wrong idea or something).
hoe hoe hoe! Xx
oh melodramatic rogue, what happened to the top-of-the-world bloke from the previous post?
Time stands still at this time of year no matter how much you're rooting a good woman (or several, if you prefer). The past rooting two weeks have felt like a month. I know the kids have noticed because they keep asking 'Why are you so happy today, Dad?'
From one happily married dad to another-in-waiting: it's everything you hope it will be and more.
What the hell??? What's this?! Roguey's getting SENTIMENTAL? hahahaha!!! I thought I'd never see the day. Dude. You're young.... all that crap will come soon enough. Awww... you ole softy. You're just really an ole romantic at heart, now ain't ya? Admit it, Flirt-Tease. LOL!!!! ;) *hug*
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