Don't make this hard Alan part three
Pam- I have missed you so MUCH.
(Pam flies at Alan and pashes him).
Pam- I am so sorry. You are my prince.
(Alan is not ready).
Pam- I really want to sit down and talk.
Alan- Of course you do.
Pam- I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.
Alan- This afternoon?
Pam- Yeah. Heaps of it. And I was telling Sue and Corey about how we hadn’t slept together in five months before we went away…
Alan- You told Sue and Corey?
Pam- Yes. Sue and Corey are my friends Alan.
Alan- Sue and Corey are your hairdressers.
Pam- Alan. Yes. They do my hair. They are also my friends. By the way they said you should come in for a cut, I was telling them your hair was getting a bit poofy…
Alan- Yeah Pam. I’m really going to go in and get my poofy hair done by a bunch of people who know my girlfriend wont sleep with me.
Pam- Alan. I was telling them that we don’t sleep together much and that when we went away we had a lovely time. I was being positive. I was telling them how great our little lovers holiday was and how it made you seem attractive again.
Alan- Oh. Great.
Pam- I want. I want to make this work. I really do love you Alan and I do want this. You are everything I could ever want from a man. Everything. I mean that. You are funny, intelligent, you have developed an unrivalled personality… and I want to stop getting neurotic all the time about how serious this is. I just want to enjoy you…us…this. And not think any further down the track than that.
Alan- I’ve been telling you that Pam.
Pam- Alan. I’m neurotic. That’s who I am. I am this way one minute, and that the next. You knew that when we got together. I told you I’d be bad for you just after we slept together for the first time. I told you I was a bad girl.
Alan- I didn’t think ‘Bad’ meant…
Pam- Alan. I am inherently selfish. That’s who I am. I’m not going to change. That’;s who I am. If you don’t like that in me then leave. Don’t ask me to change the very core of who I am as a woman. I am irrational Alan. I always have been. It’s hardly my fault. That’s the way I was built. That’s the way I am always going to be. Do you think I like that part of myself? Do you think I enjoy being so emotional and moody all the time? Do you think I like that I’m all for something one minute and then very unsure the next? No Alan. I hate that part of myself. But that’s who – I – am. So you just have to deal with it or dump me Alan.
Alan- I don’t want to dump you! I just want things to be a little bit smoother sometimes.
Pam- Alan don’t have a go at me. Please. You don’t need to do that. I’m fully aware of the things I do and I’m more than aware of the way you think about the things I do…I’m very self-aware. I just told you I was emotionally unpredictable - but you have to learn for yourself don’t you?
Alan- Yeah. You do.
Pam- So I want us to commit to each other.
Alan- I am committed Pam. I would do anything for you.
Pam- Alan…
Alan- Yes?
Pam- I want you to ask me to marry you so I can think about it and decide if that’s what I want.
Alan- What?
Pam- I want you to go out. Buy a little ring. Just something small… Like a gold… diamond thing… nothing too fancy…and I want you to propose to me.
Alan- You’re serious?
Pam- I promise you.
Alan- My God Pam.
Pam- I promise you I will think about it and let you know within a week of you giving me the ring and offering yourself to me with all the bravery you can muster.
Alan- What if you say no?
Pam- Alan… darling. Look at me.
(Alan looks)
Pam- Do you really think I will say no?
Alan- Well…I don’t know…
Pam- Alan do you really think that badly of me? Do you not trust me and love me with all your heart and want to spend the rest of your life with me? With this face and this body and these teeth?
Alan- I do. I do.
Pam- well… Alan. You have to ask me properly. If you can do that then you have proven that you are willing to go all the way and then I will seriously consider going all the way with you.
Alan- What can I say Pam. This is baffling to say the least. One minute…
(Pam holds her finger to his lips and sits on his lap)
Pam- Hush now. Don’t ruin this moment by getting all over zealous, you haven’t asked me properly yet, and I haven’t accepted. Lets just take it one moment at a time. Let’s just throw caution to the wind and make things up as we go along. Let’s be free Alan. Free.
Alan- I really want to make love to you now Pam.
(Pam leans into him)
Pam- When we are married you can do whatever you want to me.
Alan- Whatever I want?
Pam- Whatever…
Alan- Even…???
Pam- Oh, Alan. Yes. Even.
Alan- oh Pam. You are just something else. You are just the master temptress aren’t you? The original Femme Fatale. So what can we do now? Just the normal stuff? I can wait for the other stuff but what about now?
Pam- Patience Alan. After you ask me.
Alan- You mean nothing until after?
Pam- Alan, am I not worth the wait?
Alan- Of course you are Pam. Well, worth it. I waited five months before the Maldives didn’t I?
Pam- Yes Alan. Yes you did. And wasn’t that worth it?
Alan- Yeah but…
Pam- But Alan? But? Everything has to be a big drama with you doesn’t it? Nothing can be just simple? Everything has to be this big event? Poor Alan not getting a bit. Poor Alan working double shifts. Why can you never see the positives in things?
Alan- I can. I can. I’m seeing the positives. I want the positives now! I want them.
Pam- So do I Alan. So do I. So ask me… quickly.
Alan- OK. Will you marry me Pam?
Pam- NO! Alan. Properly.
(Alan gets down on bended knee)
Alan- Will you marry me Pam?
Pam- Alan no! You have to go away and formulate this idea of marrying me on your own. It has to be your own idea. Not mine. Don’t just ask cause I asked you to. Go away and just let it pop into your head. Be walking past a jewellery store and look at a gold/diamond ring in the window on the top shelf and think…oh my God! I’ll ask Pam to marry me. I want to marry Pam. I’m going to ask her. Be surprised by your revelation Alan. Let it just take hold of you in an instant! Get swept up in yourself and the idea, then impulsively buy the big… medium sized smallish diamond… cluster, and arrive like a man who knows what he wants and really surprise me with your dedication to me. Oh Alan… I can’t wait for you to bustle in that door, with your rippling arms and hairy chest and compo stained King Gee permenant press shorts and faded blue wife beater singlet and get down on one knee above steel capped dirty boots and ask me to be yours forever.
Alan- Are you sure it’s me you see in this fantasy?
Pam- Alan. That’s just a visual tool I use. That’s not what this is about. Don’t make it about the fact you aren’t rugged and burly and sweaty from a hard days labour. Don’t make it about King Gee. It’s about the Holy Union of two people who love each other. Don’t make this about just you. It’s about us. Me, the damsel in distress and you the tanned muscular hero. It’s more than a dream Alan, it could be your reality.
So sleep my prince… on the couch tonight. And in the dawn of the new day, get on your bike and be impulsive.
Alan- I will. Huh? The couch?
(BLACK)
(Alan tries to sleep on the couch. He lay staring up at the ceiling. The lights form a spotlight on Alan and around his couch. Alan sits up. He looks across to the doorway where Pam sleeps in comfort on the other side. Alan gets up to iron out a pain in his back, he walks a few steps, stretching.)
Pam- (From off stage). Alan. Go to sleep!
(Pam flies at Alan and pashes him).
Pam- I am so sorry. You are my prince.
(Alan is not ready).
Pam- I really want to sit down and talk.
Alan- Of course you do.
Pam- I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.
Alan- This afternoon?
Pam- Yeah. Heaps of it. And I was telling Sue and Corey about how we hadn’t slept together in five months before we went away…
Alan- You told Sue and Corey?
Pam- Yes. Sue and Corey are my friends Alan.
Alan- Sue and Corey are your hairdressers.
Pam- Alan. Yes. They do my hair. They are also my friends. By the way they said you should come in for a cut, I was telling them your hair was getting a bit poofy…
Alan- Yeah Pam. I’m really going to go in and get my poofy hair done by a bunch of people who know my girlfriend wont sleep with me.
Pam- Alan. I was telling them that we don’t sleep together much and that when we went away we had a lovely time. I was being positive. I was telling them how great our little lovers holiday was and how it made you seem attractive again.
Alan- Oh. Great.
Pam- I want. I want to make this work. I really do love you Alan and I do want this. You are everything I could ever want from a man. Everything. I mean that. You are funny, intelligent, you have developed an unrivalled personality… and I want to stop getting neurotic all the time about how serious this is. I just want to enjoy you…us…this. And not think any further down the track than that.
Alan- I’ve been telling you that Pam.
Pam- Alan. I’m neurotic. That’s who I am. I am this way one minute, and that the next. You knew that when we got together. I told you I’d be bad for you just after we slept together for the first time. I told you I was a bad girl.
Alan- I didn’t think ‘Bad’ meant…
Pam- Alan. I am inherently selfish. That’s who I am. I’m not going to change. That’;s who I am. If you don’t like that in me then leave. Don’t ask me to change the very core of who I am as a woman. I am irrational Alan. I always have been. It’s hardly my fault. That’s the way I was built. That’s the way I am always going to be. Do you think I like that part of myself? Do you think I enjoy being so emotional and moody all the time? Do you think I like that I’m all for something one minute and then very unsure the next? No Alan. I hate that part of myself. But that’s who – I – am. So you just have to deal with it or dump me Alan.
Alan- I don’t want to dump you! I just want things to be a little bit smoother sometimes.
Pam- Alan don’t have a go at me. Please. You don’t need to do that. I’m fully aware of the things I do and I’m more than aware of the way you think about the things I do…I’m very self-aware. I just told you I was emotionally unpredictable - but you have to learn for yourself don’t you?
Alan- Yeah. You do.
Pam- So I want us to commit to each other.
Alan- I am committed Pam. I would do anything for you.
Pam- Alan…
Alan- Yes?
Pam- I want you to ask me to marry you so I can think about it and decide if that’s what I want.
Alan- What?
Pam- I want you to go out. Buy a little ring. Just something small… Like a gold… diamond thing… nothing too fancy…and I want you to propose to me.
Alan- You’re serious?
Pam- I promise you.
Alan- My God Pam.
Pam- I promise you I will think about it and let you know within a week of you giving me the ring and offering yourself to me with all the bravery you can muster.
Alan- What if you say no?
Pam- Alan… darling. Look at me.
(Alan looks)
Pam- Do you really think I will say no?
Alan- Well…I don’t know…
Pam- Alan do you really think that badly of me? Do you not trust me and love me with all your heart and want to spend the rest of your life with me? With this face and this body and these teeth?
Alan- I do. I do.
Pam- well… Alan. You have to ask me properly. If you can do that then you have proven that you are willing to go all the way and then I will seriously consider going all the way with you.
Alan- What can I say Pam. This is baffling to say the least. One minute…
(Pam holds her finger to his lips and sits on his lap)
Pam- Hush now. Don’t ruin this moment by getting all over zealous, you haven’t asked me properly yet, and I haven’t accepted. Lets just take it one moment at a time. Let’s just throw caution to the wind and make things up as we go along. Let’s be free Alan. Free.
Alan- I really want to make love to you now Pam.
(Pam leans into him)
Pam- When we are married you can do whatever you want to me.
Alan- Whatever I want?
Pam- Whatever…
Alan- Even…???
Pam- Oh, Alan. Yes. Even.
Alan- oh Pam. You are just something else. You are just the master temptress aren’t you? The original Femme Fatale. So what can we do now? Just the normal stuff? I can wait for the other stuff but what about now?
Pam- Patience Alan. After you ask me.
Alan- You mean nothing until after?
Pam- Alan, am I not worth the wait?
Alan- Of course you are Pam. Well, worth it. I waited five months before the Maldives didn’t I?
Pam- Yes Alan. Yes you did. And wasn’t that worth it?
Alan- Yeah but…
Pam- But Alan? But? Everything has to be a big drama with you doesn’t it? Nothing can be just simple? Everything has to be this big event? Poor Alan not getting a bit. Poor Alan working double shifts. Why can you never see the positives in things?
Alan- I can. I can. I’m seeing the positives. I want the positives now! I want them.
Pam- So do I Alan. So do I. So ask me… quickly.
Alan- OK. Will you marry me Pam?
Pam- NO! Alan. Properly.
(Alan gets down on bended knee)
Alan- Will you marry me Pam?
Pam- Alan no! You have to go away and formulate this idea of marrying me on your own. It has to be your own idea. Not mine. Don’t just ask cause I asked you to. Go away and just let it pop into your head. Be walking past a jewellery store and look at a gold/diamond ring in the window on the top shelf and think…oh my God! I’ll ask Pam to marry me. I want to marry Pam. I’m going to ask her. Be surprised by your revelation Alan. Let it just take hold of you in an instant! Get swept up in yourself and the idea, then impulsively buy the big… medium sized smallish diamond… cluster, and arrive like a man who knows what he wants and really surprise me with your dedication to me. Oh Alan… I can’t wait for you to bustle in that door, with your rippling arms and hairy chest and compo stained King Gee permenant press shorts and faded blue wife beater singlet and get down on one knee above steel capped dirty boots and ask me to be yours forever.
Alan- Are you sure it’s me you see in this fantasy?
Pam- Alan. That’s just a visual tool I use. That’s not what this is about. Don’t make it about the fact you aren’t rugged and burly and sweaty from a hard days labour. Don’t make it about King Gee. It’s about the Holy Union of two people who love each other. Don’t make this about just you. It’s about us. Me, the damsel in distress and you the tanned muscular hero. It’s more than a dream Alan, it could be your reality.
So sleep my prince… on the couch tonight. And in the dawn of the new day, get on your bike and be impulsive.
Alan- I will. Huh? The couch?
(BLACK)
(Alan tries to sleep on the couch. He lay staring up at the ceiling. The lights form a spotlight on Alan and around his couch. Alan sits up. He looks across to the doorway where Pam sleeps in comfort on the other side. Alan gets up to iron out a pain in his back, he walks a few steps, stretching.)
Pam- (From off stage). Alan. Go to sleep!
posted by Roguemaze Central at 10:47 PM
11 Comments:
i hope you've got it all off your chest now, roguemaze and that you feel better. sleep well.
last post was at 2.16am not 9.16am. at a late sleepover at my sis'just in case you think i'm a square non-hip mama who gets up at 9.16am ON A SUNDAY to write a wee comment here...
Do we need part four? Where Alan proposes, Pam takes the ring, declines the engagement and keeps the ring anyway. Alan is then forced to bankrupt himself because he spent so much money on the 5 carat diamond ring that he bought because it was the smallest Pam would accept.
I think I despise both of them... is that too soon?
Could Alan perhaps realise his folly, pretend. to continue through with that manipulative wench’s wishes and then dump her, just as she thought he would propose? I have a feeling he is too naïve to consider such a course of action…
People. He will be victorious. Don't you worry about that. It will be strange and dark and violent. Stay tuned.
Oh goodie, can't wait.
Loved this piece of work. off broadway maybe?
OFF broadway???? OFF????
Ya gotta start somewhere.
Yeah. You are right. i might start at Wembley. Packed house. One show only.
That's it. Shoot for the moon.
Post a Comment
<< Home